Sure has been a while since I updated this. Never really had anything to add till now. I don't wanna copy Christine's "grinds my gears" style of blogging, but there has been a growing frustration going on around here that I should probably let out.

So at the end of 2007, I lost my job, all the money I had left (which resulted in the loss of my bank account), and my apartment. With no other choice my mom and I had to move in with my two older brothers into their place. From the very get go, it was obvious that neither my mom or I would be very welcome in this place. My brothers have adopted a mentality, that they weren't raised with having, that they are accountable to no one and can live as filthy as they'd like to be. So with that said I was designated the house maid and personal punching bag, metaphorically speaking. It's not something I'm really bothered by anymore because this living arrangement is soon coming to an end. Still though, it's really annoying to deal with grown men who can't clean up behind themselves, and then blame me when they make a mistake or just feel like picking on me because I'm an easy target.

Time has taught me to be a patient guy and just to deal with things as they happen, even when things don't go to plan. Like millions of other people in this country, I've been unemployed for a long time and living on unemployment, learning to live with less, is no easy challenge. I've never stopped looking for work, even when they're jobs that I wouldn't take any pleasure in doing. Despite my best efforts to contribute what little I get each month, and my earnest efforts to look for work, I am still looked down upon by those in this household who are still fortunate enough to get a regular paycheck. They like to think of themselves as better simply because of the dollar amount they get on a bi-weekly basis.

Living the way I have, trying to take care of my mom, and of course getting just the bare minimum to help out with household experiences, has really given me a new outlook on things. I've come to realize, that growing up and becoming an adult isn't about the things you have or the status you gain from your job. It's about the quality of your character. It's about treating those whom you profess to love and care about with dignity and respect. It's about letting others share your love and returning it in full, not because it's expected, but because it's how you'd like others to treat you in turn. It makes me wonder, if monies are taken away from these brothers of mine (like they have with me) and property can no longer be afforded (like I had to go through) what will that say about the quality of their character? Would they even be able to function as human beings or would they just collapse from being forced to live like I have lived?

My brothers have never once put themselves in my shoes. They've never once wondered how certain situations affect not only me, but also my mom. And they do have this annoying habit of pretending that they're never wrong. Take today for instance:

I'm out buying some badly needed new clothes, only to return with my mom and find out that we've been locked out of the apartment. We have no minutes on our cell phone and barely any gas in the car. So after taking care of both needs, we call my brothers, only to get no answer. Had to get in touch with another family member just to get through to them. Turns out they're in another city, partying it up with some friends from out of town. Eventually, one of these brothers of mine makes the return trip to let my mom and I back into the apartment. But here's the kicker: THIS BASTARD IS MAD AT ME FOR ASKING HIM TO COME BACK AND LET US IN THE DAMN APARTMENT!

I mean, wow...I'm so sorry I ruined your day! We were only locked out for 2 hours and starving because we couldn't get back inside, but we're sorry anyway that we had to call you away from your party. Please, I prostrate myself in forgiveness...

What made it even worse is that this guy pretended like it was my fault my mom and I got locked out. "You should have told me you didn't have a key!"...again, wow...we've been living with these guys for over a year and you're just now getting this news? My other brother who went with him to the party knew we couldn't get back into the apartment if both locks were locked, and yet that information was conveniently forgotten as well.

You know, in all of this griping, I still care about my brothers. After all, we're suppose to be family, and I make plenty of mistakes myself. But it's been pretty obvious from the start that my mom and I would never be considered equals in this household. We're just excess baggage, more mouths to feed (which is ironic since it's my mom's food stamp benefits that keeps this household fed on a monthly basis), the unwanted guests. I especially find it irritating that both of my brothers refer to my mother as "WOMAN" rather than "mom" or anything of the like. It's so disrespectful and demeaning. Would they want to be referred to as "MAN" all the time or "BOY"? (Which would have an especially bad context considering our skin color). It really saddens me that have such a contemptible view of my mother since she was the only parent who ever gave a damn to stick around and try and raise us.

I certainly hope that once this situation is resolved, we can all start treating each other like reasonable adults. Until then, it's just a whole bunch of blarg.